January 10, 2022
― Neil Gaiman
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I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
You’ve probably met people like that. Maybe you’ve even met people who look like they could have everything going on for them, but they constantly get in their own way?
It happens to me quite a lot. You’ll recognize them when they say: “I’m not good enough” or “this is too hard for me” or even better, “I don’t deserve this.”
What they are doing is professing self-limitations onto themselves.
Who’s to know who deserves what. I certainly don’t know who deserves what, and I feel like the best strategy, in that case, is not to spend any time thinking about it. If I cannot come to a reasonably defendable answer, then I’d better focus on working on tending to my garden (metaphorically speaking).
I had this conversation with an employee who told me, “I’m not good at sales.” I told her: “You’re not good at sales yet.”
Also, I pursued with “How many hours of formal sales training have you been exposed to?”
To which the answer was: “If we round that number to the closest integer, then the answer would be zero.”
That’s quite unfortunate.
Why would anyone speak value beliefs upon themselves while not being trained in the thing?
Of course, she wasn’t good at sales yet because she hadn’t been trained.
She proceeded to become very good at sales.
This is all to say.
I’m sure you understand by my tone that I’m not into “affirmations” and standing up in the morning, looking at yourself in the mirror, and repeating to yourself, you can do this, you can do that.
I’m not into that side of value-defining. But I’m also not into self-limiting value definition. I’m just into doing the thing, to be honest. And I would argue we all should do that. We’ll save ourselves so much pain.
I don’t like to hear self-limiting thoughts spoken out of people I’m involved with.
I don’t like to speak like that about myself. Don’t get me wrong, I love making jokes, but those are jokes meant to release tension and put people at ease. They’re not the inner monologue.
But here’s the sinister part of self-limiting beliefs: self-limiting beliefs about you might just be arrogance masquerading as insecurity.
I know this is a bit of a stretch but let me sail this one back to the harbor.
For example, let’s assume you go to a bar and see the most gorgeous of women there on a weekend night. Let’s assume that you are interested in meeting women too and that you’re single so that we make things very clear.
That one thing that you often hear that prevents people from actually going and saying hi is that self-sabotaging inner monologue that says “I’m not good enough” or “she’s too good for me.” … and candidly speaking, she might be. But, it’s not your choice to make, and it’s certainly not your choice to make before the fact.
And when you think about it, this is really arrogance speaking.
When you profess your value to the world, be it positive or negative value, you’re placing yourself at the center of the picture and as the greater arbiter of value.
Whatever you think about yourself is not more important than what that girl would think about you, in that example, had you engaged in conversation with her. And what you think about your value to the world is not more important than what the world thinks of you. Would you commit and abandon yourself to the value creation for the world, whatever your area of value creation is?
It is not your place to attribute value to you. The market will decide this for you.
By deciding yourself about what you are and what value other people should place onto you, you’re robbing them of the opportunity to make their own choices.
It’s self-limiting, and really… you’re just getting in your own way.
Also, every second you’re not spending thinking about you and your value in the world would be a second you could spend providing value to the world… and raising said value.
All in all, I don’t want to turn into a motivational speaker, but I have battles to fight too. I’m an entrepreneur too. I have battles to fight that are very similar to those you have.
After all, if you’re reading this, we are quite similar people, you and me. I don’t mean that you are the same gender, live under the same geographical conditions, or pursue the same gainful employment.
I mean that there is this underlying sense of wanting to be more and doing more in you. I know it because I have it too.
I hope I provided some fresh perspectives to you today that will help you in your pursuit of better traits and more valuable beliefs. I’m always happy to hear compliments or concerns.
Have a great start to the year, and thanks for being with us!
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